You can count Thursday nights in Hammond to be quite eventful. Thursday is the new Friday at Southeastern.
To say the least, I enjoyed myself last night, on the first Thursday of the semester. Not only were we celebrating everyone being back from winter break, but we were also celebrating the start of the new adventure of one of my best friends, Kat.
To spend time together once more, I ate brunch with Kat this morning at a local restaurant in Hammond called Yellow Bird Cafe. However soon as I arrived, I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time I ate at the restaurant.
Although it was almost 9 months ago, I remember that day like it was yesterday.
It was raining, and I was wearing my purple Tri Sigma rain jacket. I went with my friends because I didn’t want to be left alone that morning. I was hungover from attending a formal event the night before and felt sick to my stomach. I was hurt and angry, due to certain personal issues that were occurring in my life at the time. I had already been actively fighting my depression for a couple of months, but this day stands out because of such strong emotions I was processing that day.
I remember calling my mom and talking to her on the phone. I filled her in on where I was and described to her the previous night. We talked about what was going on and how I was processing it.
In tears, I told her I was done.
I told her I was going to leave Hammond as soon as I could.
I was going to return to Baton Rouge and drown myself in work at Sonic for the rest of the summer until I left for Costa Rica.
I was going to come back tanner, more cultured, and with more money.
I was going to show everyone that I was fine, that I didn’t need anyone else to help me through anything.
To my surprise, Summer of 2016 had much more in store for me.
I spent time with friends, saw Selena Gomez in concert, took a 2-week summer class, went to the Saenger theater in New Orleans for the first time to see Wicked, spent time with family, watched my cousin get married, celebrated my 21st birthday, babysat the sweetest little girl, went to the beach, traveled to Tennessee, lived in Costa Rica for 2 weeks, and I even fell in love with the greatest man I’ve ever met.
9 months ago, I just wanted to run away. I wanted to isolate myself, to just focus on the money I needed to make and my newfound escape of Costa Rica. I wanted to fast forward a time that I thought would be better if things went the way I planned.
Little did I know that every day would unfold in a different direction than I originally thought it would, and 9 months later, I can’t thank God enough for how differently my life actually turned out.
9 months ago, I never knew I would fall in love and be in the healthiest relationship I’ve had with as amazing of a man as Kasra.
I never knew I would love my trip to Costa Rica and make plans to go back within the following year.
I never knew I would apply and be accepted into the Tulane School of Social Work.
I never knew I would let go and simultaneously continue to build certain relationships in my life which would make me feel more at peace.
I never knew any of my life would be as it is today, and I can’t be more grateful.
Sometimes, we have a certain idea of how we want things to go in life. We plan our days, weeks, months, years, and we think this is how life is going to happen. When things don’t happen the way we want, we’re frustrated, disappointed, angry, and even sad.
It’s natural to want life to evolve a certain way, to have certain plans in life. But sometimes, it’s not always the healthiest way to think.
I found myself in a depression because of this fixed state of mind.
I was so obsessed with my plans and things going my way in life that I couldn’t handle change or my plans falling through. I had to work through months of therapy to finally find comfort in the ambiguity of life, and it’s still something I struggle with frequently.
“Every new level will demand a different you.”
As one of my favorite quotes, this quote helps me see past the fixed mindset of merely surviving through obstacles of life. Instead, I am encouraged to observe new situations, no matter their difficulty, as methods which lead me through different directions and levels of life and mold me into the person I am to be.
Take it from a “control-freak” who is trying to learn how to just let things be…
Life is never guaranteed to turn out the way we plan.
But sometimes, it’s for the best.
All we can focus on is ourselves and how we react.
That’s the only aspect of life we can control, anyway.